Rachel's Rambles

I haven't, honest. It just feels that way sometimes. I have not adjusted yet to being a single mom, with all that entails. Particularly on days like today when I wake up with a splitting migraine and still have to somehow crawl down the stairs, figure out food for the older two and a bottle for the baby, then change smelly diapers, and find clothes for everybody. And that's just the first hour.

I look around me at the chaos and I sometimes want to throw up my hands and have done. Then, at other times, I realize that the mounds of clothes have mostly switched from dirty to clean and with an hour or two of concerted effort can transition to the various bedrooms, closets, and dressers in which they belong. I look at the fresh mess on the kitchen floor caused by my children in one meal, and I remember that if they choose to be disgusting and happen to eat any of that mess before I can clean it, at least the floor it fell on is technically clean enough to eat off of. In other words, I'm slowly getting better at this. I'm looking forward to the day when I actually am on top of everything that needs to be done, but at least I am making some progress. I would just very much appreciate not mixing pain into everything else. Bad days are very hard.

And I'm disappointed in two other areas. The first is my writing. I have had no dreams full of plots for stories or novels. I have had no bright-flash inspiration strikes in the shower or while driving. In fact, I have been wracking my brain for a month to come up with a new story for Codex's Halloween contest and have had zero luck. I think I just need to accept that in this season of my life, my brain has decided I must take a break from writing. I hope the desire and ideas come back someday, sooner rather than later.

The other thing that bothers me is the dog situation. I have been wanting to adopt a retired racing greyhound since I was fifteen. I thought that in renting this place, I would finally get the chance I've waited for for so long. But my landlord has dashed my hopes by requiring that any dog I get be under 25 pounds and approved by her. Well, the problem with that is that most small/toy breeds of dog are far more likely to bark, nip, and piddle all over the place - particularly those that are relinquished to shelters. And they often don't do well with small children. This is not just hearsay, I've since contacted a number of animal adoption groups and have been told this by them regarding my situation. In fact, I've been flat turned down by all the ones I've talked to due to my young kids, and the landlord's requirement (mine too!) that the dog be housetrained. I have done a lot of research over the years, and had come to the conclusion that the right greyhound, properly screened by the adoption agency, would be the very best dog for us. I resent that my landlord is effectively telling me who can or cannot become a member of my family. And that she does not trust my judgement or the many many hours I have spent researching. I'm quite tempted to write to her on this and beg for a reconsideration, or offer a larger pet deposit, or something. I just have a hard time accepting 'no' when I am being very reasonable and well-thought out with my situation.